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Bacche Iss Zamaane Main Paida Nahi Karungi


Call me insane, but the only thing that makes me *want* to get married is the joy of motherhood. I wanted to experience that, I wanted to experience the joy of giving birth. I wanted to create a new life. I wanted to play God for a bit. Holding this tiny thing that came out of you, I don’t think I can even put to words how that must feel.

I don’t what any of this anymore.

Yesterday, I saw a man beating his wife in a moving car. Yes, you read that correct. The man was driving and hitting his wife simultaneously. I tried following the car to atleast take down the number, but couldn’t. And that’s when I decided, ‘bacche iss zamaane main nahi paida karungi’.    

I don’t want to give birth to a child in a society that doesn’t even spare a three month old kid or a 70 year old grandmother. I don’t want to be fretting constantly over my child when she is away from my sight. I don’t want to spend sleepless nights when she spends the night at our relatives or her friends.

Millions of articles have been written on how the mentality of men has to be changed, I don’t see it happening. I see in my office, the male staff gossiping about the female intern in my office just because they think her dressing is ‘inappropriate’. And this is AFTER they have had lengthy discussions on the recent gang rape, and how wrong it was.

We had massive outrage about the Delhi gang rape, less than a week later we hear of another gang rape, and then another and then another.  It just doesn’t stop.

If not rape, she may be subjected to eve-teasing, molestation, domestic violence. It starts even before a girl is born, and ends only when she dies.     

I don’t see any hope.

The only way out is not to bring any more kids in this world.



Notes to Self

When do we stop hurting ourselves? 

When do we realize that we have done more damage to ourselves than to anyone else in the world?

When do we realize that in order to please others, we lose a part of us somewhere in the crowd?


Truth is, no one really cares.

Nothing is permanent. Not love, not friendships. 





Of a quaint little place

Of a house filled with bookcase

Of Ghalib and Faiz

And Marquez and Gibran


Of a brick street

and a coffee shop


Of a house with a 30 feet ceiling

Of a house filled with kids squealing

Of grandparents sharing stories

of the white elephant
or saint

Twenty Eleven

What a year.

What a year.

Twenty Eleven has been wonderful to me. So wonderful that i was moved enough to sign into wordpress and write a blog.

Twenty Eleven made me a tad bit wiser, a tad bit careless, a tad bit crazier. I did things i never thought i would do. I did things which i believe made me a better human being.

Started learning Urdu

Started exploring the works of  Ghalib, Iqbal, Majaz

Started observing more and talking less

Started travelling and exploring

Started eating out more often

Started gymming

Started praying often-er

Started meeting more people

Started trusting a bit more easily

Started letting go of my past

Started forgiving people

Started becoming friends with my mother

Started loving my job

Started hating this profession

Started rekindling old friendships

Started learning more

Started falling in love with Delhi all over again

This year made me meet some of the most wonderful people through the internet. Yes it does sound scary and it does seem absurd but I did go and meet some people whom i met through Twitter and those meets have been one of the most wonderful experiences of my life. Whether it was the pretty lady almost the same age as my mother, but someone you could talk to about anything under the sun; or a Doctor- my first Kashmiri friend, who let’s you talk incessantly and quietly listens and nods along, someone who would always find ways to cheer you up, or the very wonderful woman, who has the same phone as me, my ‘love’ advisor and my 1 AM friend, someone with whom I could gossip about other girls and drool over my prince charming, or my supremely funny girl-friend who would know just about the right joke to crack me up (I havent told u this, but your jokes on your Timeline has made me smile so often when i have been sad), or the PJ cracking man, whose quality of jokes are getting bad to worse, but i forgive you or the good looking ‘hero’ who turned out to be living within 2 kms of my house, someone who amused me with his Urdu and his one-liners, or the journalist friend with whom I miss conversing, or the photographer meeting whom is always a pleasure and who never ever ceases to amaze me, or the crazy fellow–Aligarian who is living without phone currently, or the quiet Engineer with a very cool job who will go out of his way just so that you dont feel sad, or the lawyer-friend whose messages are something I will cherish throughout my life, or the very quiet boys, who took me to my first trip to Jama Masjid during Ramzan-and after years of badly wanting to go there, I finally went and then there are the ones who leave no stone unturned to pull my leg, some I haven’t even met (but feels like I have known them for long) but that’s what makes my Twitter experience memorable 🙂

These are some of the beautiful people I met through the internet.  Yes Internet is full of good people too 🙂

Twenty Eleven saw the loss of my Arabic tutor, someone who taught us Arabic in turn for us teaching him English.

Twenty Eleven also saw the loss of Jagjit Singh, whose ghazals i grew up listening to, whose voice always healed my broken heart in adolescent years, whose words remained with me long after the song was over, whose ghazals I still remember, word by word and tune by tune.

Twenty Eleven also saw me growing professionally. Canvassed for elections, shouted slogans, screamed my head off. Fought with lawyers who tried to act smart. Made some wonderful friends in this profession.

Twenty Eleven saw me become more confident, professionally and personally. So what if I don’t have a size zero and I really don’t care if I am not considered to be  ‘beautiful’.

Twenty Eleven also took my twin far far away from me to the States, whose absence is what made me indulge so much on the internet. She has absolutely no idea how crazily i miss her everyday.

Dear Twenty Twelve, let’s see if you can match up-to the standards i set in Twenty Eleven 🙂

theres no heading for this one

Is it wrong to expect? From friends with whom who have spent days and nights chatting, gossiping, crying, laughing? Just because they have become too busy in their respective jobs and lives?

They call me over-sensitive, because I expect. I expect my friends to be there when i cry just like i have been there. I expect my friends to spend some time with me, without me seeking an appointment with them.  I expect them to call me back when i get upset.. I expect them to be there when i cry. Just a small gesture to show that I am still as important wont really mean that i am expecting too much…will it??

Can life be lived without such friends? Will it hurt? Will it make me cry into the dead of the night?

Let me try that…

Title-less :)

Friends ARE angels. 🙂 🙂

Has it happened to you ever,that when you need a particular friend, he/she just senses it and pops out of nowhere?? Its a miracle, isn’t it? Its like Divine intervention, someone above gives them a whack on their head and tells them to go meet/call the friend- in- need.

its like God has planted little little angels around us in the form of parents, siblings, friends, partners/spouses, to guard each one of us, to prevent us from falling flat on the face. But often we dont realise  this. We shout at our parents for interfering in our lives, we shout at our friends for not being there, we shout at our siblings for entering our rooms without asking or borrowing  our clothes. In short we take them for granted, never at once realising that life can never be the same when they are not there. To guard, to protect or to just listen.

We stumble across many people on our way, we keep some with us forever safely, we discard most of them forever.  We lose many of them, only to realise later that a lot got lost. And we carry along many people who we think are our ‘angels’, and end up getting hurt.  This is life.

Life can be made worthwhile only if we cherish the ones around us, be happy, make them happy as long as they are with us, even if for a short duration.

We can start by saying ‘i love you’ to our family and friends and watch the expressions on their faces. We can start by saying ‘thank you’ for all the times our siblings have lied to our parents to save our skin. We can start by saying ‘thank you’ to our mothers and fathers for being so selfless and giving us untiring support and warmth. We can start by giving a hug to those near us. We can start by telling our friends how much we love them, for just being there even at 4 am, without any complaints.

Its never too late to start, to hug, to express love, to just say thank you.

Its never too late to apologize for any hurt caused.

Its never too late to start loving, effortlessly and tirelessly.

Thank you everyone for being a part of my life, bearing with me and my perpetual dilemmas. Life can never be the same without each and everyone of you. A special thanks to everyone in the blog-world, for not forgetting me despite my hibernation 🙂

This is dedicated to my twin, Giant, HP, RM, SH, AK and my  two special blog friends S and S (you know who you are! )

Gyaan Part one

The last few months in the Delhi Legal system have been revolutionary, to say the least. The year saw few path breaking judgements delivered by the Delhi High Court, which will now surely pave way for greater reforms in the country. The first being striking down Section 377 of the Indian Penal Code. This has HUGE impact on the millions of gay population in India. although the battle is still not over, this has been a very very important step. The judgement drew both criticism and applause from all over the country. The year also saw e-courts being formulated in the delhi HC. Not one but two courts have started functioning as e-courts since the time i posted last. The technology will now enable the courts to function more efficiently and enable less paper-work which means less trees being cut! However, for the lawyers to become used to the idea of using computers instead of pens and papers will take some time!

Another revolutionary judgement was the one wherein  a 3 judge-bench decided (much to the annoyance of the SC) that the Chief Justice of India’s office comes under the purview of the RTI Act. This year (2010) saw the High Court Judges putting up their assets on the high court website (and man they are so rich!! )!!

OK enough of the gyan for a day!

P.S. Since i am reading and learning a lot lately, be prepared for a lot of gyan from my side 🙂

Blaahness :P

Ok people..i am back on popular demand 😛

Missed ALL of you…missed reading ur blogs..though managed to read few posts randomly 🙂

Lifes been going normally 🙂

Went on a road- trip to Rajasthan for the new years 🙂 Even drove on the highway on a 100 (thats brilliant considering dad was with me 😉 )!!

Went to Jaipur, Jodhpur, Jaisalmer and Ajmer :)Fun trip since i was accompanied with my younger cousins and a great change 🙂

Stayed in a tent in Jaisalmer, rode a camel and even had a raced on one 🙂 hehe!

Then back to work…running around..getting disillusioned with life in between too 😦

fought with two of my best friends..trying to mend ties..but it’ll take time i guess 😦

Been thinking a lot lately..about my profession, about my career choice. Maybe i am not in the right one..maybe i am..

Perhaps my dilemma is here to last for a really really long time 😦

You telme guys..what have i missed ??!!

p.s. a more meaningful post is up soon 🙂 promise 🙂

The latest

Everyone!! i sincerely apologize for being so irregular 😦 i miss blogging 😦 😦

Ok this is a piece of news that i had to share with everyone…though i doubt if it’ll be beneficial to anyone BUT me..nevertheless..i somehow feel compelled to do so  ! The Delhi High Court has created history by forming an e-court or electronic court. That means that the court will have documents in the computer and not on paper. This is a revolution of sorts which will help speed up the process of disposing off the cases.

It works like this;

The judge (presently Hon’ble Mr Justice Ravindra Bhat) has a touchscreen instead of the bulky files and there is a big wide screen in the court room that can be viewed by everyone in the court room.  So now the lawyers as well as the judge go through the file on their respective computers/laptops. Since this system is just two days old, the computer department has scanned the upcoming files and stored them in the Judges laptop.

However this is not without the flipside..there are chances of virus attack and tampering of documents..

For most of you this piece of information won’t be of much use…but its a HUGE step towards ensuring that justice is delivered IN TIME!!

Rest later 🙂 hope all of you are doing fine 🙂 🙂

the tag

Here u go Amrit 🙂


The tag name is Innocent..or Guilty?

Please read the rules carefully!

RULE 1- You can only say Guilty or Innocent.

RULE 2- You are not allowed to explain anything unless someone messages you and asks!

RULE 3- Copy and paste this into your notes, delete my answers, type in your answers and tag to your friends to answer this.

* Asked someone to marry you? innocent

*Ever kissed someone of the same sex? guilty

* Danced on a table in a bar? innocent

* Ever told a lie? guilty  😀

* Had feelings for someone whom you can’t have back? innocent

* Kissed a picture? guilty

* Slept in until 5 PM? guilty

* Fallen asleep at work/school? guilty

* Held a snake? innocent

* Been suspended from school? innocent

* Worked at a fast food restaurant? innocent

* Stolen from a store? innocent

* Been fired from a job? guilty 😦

* Done something you regret? guilty (quite a number of times)

* Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? guilty

* Caught a snowflake on your tongue? innocent

* Kissed in the rain?  innocent

* Sat on a roof top? guilty

* Kissed someone you shouldn’t? innocent

* Sang in the shower? guilty

* Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? innocent

* Shaved your head? innocent

* Had a boxing membership? innocent

* Made a girlfriend cry?  innocent

* Been in a band? innocent

* Shot a gun? guilty

* Donated Blood? guilty and proud as hell 🙂

* Eaten alligator meat? innocent

* Eaten cheesecake? Guilty

* Still love someone you shouldn’t? innocent

* Have/had a tattoo? Innocent

* Liked someone, but will never tell who? guilty

* Been too honest? Guilty

* Ruined a surprise? innocent

* Ate in a restaurant and got really bloated that you couldn’t walk afterward? innocent

* Erased someone in your friends list? Guilty

* Dressed in a woman’s clothes (if you’re a guy) or man’s clothes (if you’re a girl)? guilty… i was a tomboy throughout.. i would like to think i still am…:)

* Joined a pageant? Innocent

* Been told that you’re handsome or beautiful by someone who totally meant what they said? Guilty

* Had communication with your ex? Guilty

* Got totally drunk on the night before exam? innocent

* Got totally angry that you cried so hard? Guilty

there you go 🙂

I tag whoever is willing to